I heard the old Daughtry single on the radio today, and it reminded me of this list Nadia and I came up w/ last summer. McSweeneys.net later rejected it, so this here’s a CSP exclusive.–ST
ALTERNATE LYRICS FOR DAUGHTRY‘S HIT SINGLE “HOME,” THE ORIGINAL LYRICS TO WHICH OFFER THE FOLLOWING INSIGHT: “BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR / ‘CAUSE YOU JUST MIGHT GET IT ALL / AND THEN SOME YOU DON’T WANT”
With friends like these, who needs enemies? / ‘Cause these friends are doing pretty well as enemies / Though not so well, now that I think about it, as FRIENDS
The perfect is the enemy of the good / Which is a shame, ’cause the good’s pretty good / It just isn’t perfect, quite
Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater / ‘Cause only the water’s dirty and useless / The freshly bathed baby is perfectly clean—and IT’S A BABY
That’s the way the cookie crumbles / It’s hard to make it crumble some other way / Much less to put it back together
You can’t see the forest for the trees / An odd phenomenon, since the forest is MADE of trees / But it’s also its own, separate, primarily green entity
Dead men tell no tales / ‘Cause they’re dead and, thus, can’t talk / Good reason to kill someone who knows a damaging secret about you, actually
He knows where his bread is buttered / So he shouldn’t do anything to threaten this bread-buttering place / Unless he knows of some other, equally convenient place at which to get his bread buttered, or he’s developed a taste for unbuttered bread
People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones / ‘Cause whomever the stones were thrown at is liable to pick them up—or find others—and throw them back / The stones will likely break the glass house’s glass walls, getting broken glass all over the floors, which presumably are made of glass as well
You’ve made your bed; now you must lie in it / Though I suppose you could always remake it some other way / Or just skip the nap and go for a walk instead
(Image by pang9175, license under Creative Commons.)
